12 Days of Christmas Horror
A few years ago I was treated to an unexpected horror fix during the holiday season when I stumbled across A Christmas Horror Story on Netflix. The following year or maybe it was the same year, a friend recommended Better Watch Out – asking me if Christmas horror was a thing? I didn’t know. Then I tracked down Krampus and I thought that maybe she was on to something.
I have toyed with the idea of doing a holiday horror post for a couple of years but I just never made the time and frankly, I wasn’t sure there was enough material out there to talk about. So a couple of weeks ago I am watching another Christmas movie themed around the 12 Days and thought I might take an overdone concept one step further with 12 Days of Christmas Horror.
I started by listing the Christmas horror films that I actually like and was surprised to see I was already half way there. I tracked down cult favorites, some films from internet lists, and some stuff readily available on streaming and easily landed the dozen movies I needed to do this.
It turns out the holiday horror genre is more abundant than I had expected - but that doesn’t mean it isn’t plagued by the same plot holes, ridiculous gore, gratuitous sex, and plain bad acting that regular horror movies suffer. So expect to see some of that on this list because let’s be honest – it’s part of what we love about horror.
There is so much to be done to prepare for the holidays so time is precious. And since the countdown to Christmas has already started, I will save the worst for last and begin with the favorites. If you find that the first three or four really suck, then holiday horror may not be for you.
So on the first day of Christmas I bring you my personal favorite: Krampus. A movie that isn’t just a great Christmas horror film, it’s a great horror film and, well, a really great film. From its hilarious opening scene to the cabinet of snowglobes, Toni Collette and Adam Scott lead the cast of characters through the legend of the anti-Santa. There are no contrived holiday plots, pointless gore, nudity, or hollow jump scares. Instead, a terrifying protagonist with its legion of helpers that will make you rethink your beliefs while there is still time to write the Christmas letter.
On the second day of Christmas, I bring you Christmas Horror Story. You won’t find this film on Netflix this season but if you have a Shudder add-on to your Amazon Prime, then you’re all set. If not, it’s just a few bucks a month after your free trial week. Santa is a hero in the eyes of children, but a genuine badass in this anthology of interwoven holiday tales that build the Christmas spirit with lessons of giving right up until the end. Enjoy William Shatner’s radio broadcast for some clues if you think you can figure it out.
On the third day of Chrismas you Better Watch Out. That Shudder subscription will come in handy so you can watch this holiday twist on the classic babysitter theme. Virginia Madsen and Patrick Warburton star as dysfunctional parents of a very dysfunctional teen. Critics loved the film but audiences were less receptive, and the film did poorly at the box office. You get to decide if it meets your holiday horror criteria. There are several movies with this same title, so make sure you get the one that stars Olivia DeJonge and Ed Oxenbould. And for fun, go back and enjoy these two young actors as they play siblings in The Visit.
On the fourth day of Christmas, I bring you A Nasty Piece of Work. This Hulu original is the Christmas offering from the second season of Into the Dark. Some early references to A Christmas Vacation caught my attention, and while you watch it let me know if you can’t relate just a little bit to the golf club scene. The company executive is a very eccentric, very weird, jerk boss while Gavin is masterful as the brown-nosing coworker that we all hate. You will ask yourself multiple times during the Christmas party just why in the hell don’t they leave – but then how much fun would it be without the ending. Which I saw coming just before it happened. This 15th installment of Into the Dark ranks in my top 5 of both seasons.
On the fifth day of Christmas, put the kids to bed early and track down a copy of the cult classic Silent Night, Deadly Night. This controversial movie about a killer dressed in a Santa suit was filmed in Utah so maybe it was inevitable that parents objected to the promotional campaign featuring an axe wielding Santa Claus. A group known as Citizens Against Movie Madness was formed to protest the film and famed movie critics Siskel & Ebert joined the widespread criticism. The result was a huge drop in ticket sales and the film was pulled a week after its November 1984 release. CAMM had loftier goals to go after movie violence in general but it fell apart shortly after its small victory. Silent Night, Deadly Night has since been re-released and its ongoing popularity is largely attributed to these controversial roots. I actually thought the film was pretty good and maybe that’s because I had read enough reviews to expect a really crappy film. But there is a decent plot with a real Christmas theme, and it is well produced for a 1984 slasher film. There is a lot of sex and nudity along with the gore and violence. You will either like this film for its place in holiday horror history or not. Don’t force it because Silent Night, Deadly Night has a healthy cult following that spawned four sequels and a loose remake, so it will survive.
On the sixth day of Christmas, get the family together and watch Gremlins. This film hasn’t made it to any of my horror lists before because frankly, I don’t consider it horror. Hell, I bought my toddler a Gizmo plush toy and moms don’t do that with horror movie characters. Okay, if a mom did that it would be this mom but still… Gremlins is a must see if you haven’t already just because it’s a classic, a pretty good movie, and original for its time. I do admit that 2019 me finds it a little too 1980s and I’m hoping a good remake is coming. There is no language or nudity, in fact this movie straddles the line between too much for young audiences and not enough for mature ones. Gremlins is one of two Spielberg films that led to the creation of the PG-13 rating.
On the seventh day of Christmas, kick back and watch Black Christmas … OR … head to the theaters for the remake. If Gremlins represents 1980’s cinema, then the original Black Christmas defines its 1970’s counterpart. This classic film was featured in this year’s Halloween moviefest as a warm-up for the remake that hit theaters just in time for the 12 days of Christmas. Margot Kidder’s over-the-top portrayal as a cynical, drunk, foul-mouthed sorority girl means no kids in the room and I admit, it can be a bit much. The plot is simple but solid, though. The only fair criticism I have of the original is the quality of the video makes the picture a little hard to see at times, and the screams hurt my ears thanks to the low-fidelity audio. My threshold for the remake is high definition sound and audio that honors the original in order to brings it to a new audience.
On the eighth day of Christmas, watch Pooka! This 83-minute episode from the first season of Into the Dark features a struggling actor who accepts a job as the mascot for the holiday’s hottest toy. Pooka is a sometimes foul-mouthed, wide-eyed, bear-looking character with its own signature song and dance. However, when the actor puts on the Pooka costume, he takes on a second, evil personality. The theme is Jekyll & Hyde-ish although it has been compared to a version of A Christmas Carol, The 12 Days of Christine, and even The Shining. Pooka has one of those crazy endings that send you back to watch it again to see if you can pick up the twist earlier in the film. It is one of my least favorite episodes from Into the Dark – some of the scenes are just plain disturbing. Still, it is better than a lot of holiday horror out there so if you make it through the previous seven films, try this next and see if you can get the song gout of your head when you are finished.
On the ninth day of Christmas, I bring you All the Creatures Were Stirring. A couple on their first date with nothing better to do on Christmas Eve get together for a movie in a weird theater featuring a series of shorts. Among them are a deadly office Christmas party, last-minute Christmas Eve shopping, holiday stalkers, immortal demons, and other weird and deadly stories in this wrap-around anthology. There is something uniquely creepy about this film and you’ll have to figure out what the ending really means.
On the tenth day of Christmas I bring you Jack Frost. Not the 1971 claymation or the 1998 father-son bonding movie with Michael Keaton reincarnated as a snowman. This Jack Frost is a serial killer who turns into a shape-shifting snowman after the van transporting him to his execution collides with a truck full of genetic material. This film is meant to be campy though you wonder if they didn’t take it too far – unless they were trying to make the worst holiday comedy horror film on purpose. It is full of stupid nonsense with enough uncomfortable kill scenes that make it difficult to get through a second time. I tapped out on the first viewing and had to start over where I fully admit to wandering off once or twice. Jack Frost scored a whopping 7% on Rotten Tomatoes but that didn’t stop somebody from making a sequel. I can’t recommend this film in good conscience unless you have been kidnapped and are forced to riff on a film with your homemade robot buddies.
On the eleventh day of Christmas, I hesitantly bring you All Through the House. What do you do when you have three weeks, some spare cash, a decent reputation, and a smoking hot sister? If you’re Todd Nunes, you make an award-winning 80’s style Christmas slasher. You will have to watch this one for yourself to see what made it so award-winning because I didn’t see it. This is one of those films with a contrived holiday theme that could have worked in any setting as long as there were reasons for the characters to get naked. The killer’s weapon of choice is a giant pair of garden shears that are the perfect size for lopping off male body parts. To be fair, there is a Criminal Minds style plot in there that might have worked had the producer built a plausible story instead of starting off with senseless slashing. Once it started, there wasn’t really anywhere to go so the film relies on skin to keep your attention.
On the twelfth day of Christmas, you’re better off with twelve drummers drumming instead of Red Christmas, a video turd that isn’t a Christmas movie at all. The film is a social statement on the moral dilemma surrounding abortion and is only holiday-themed because they make the killings happen on Christmas day. The social agenda could just as easily have been played out on Halloween. Or Memorial Day. Or a random Thursday. The cloaked killer sounds like a bad impersonation of a Boris Karloff monster. See if the Monster Mash doesn’t play in your head when you hear him. Audiences gave this movie a 19% score on Rotten Tomatoes, mostly for Dee Wallace’s contribution which isn’t enough to keep this one from ruining your Christmas playlist. I took the bullet for this movie so you won’t have to. You’re welcome.
I hope you are enjoying your Christmas season and if you made it through all twelve films, you deserve to sit down with some figgy pudding or a glass of egg nog or whatever it is that rounds out your holiday spirit. And if you have some Christmas horror favorites that should have been in this holiday list, let me know. I realize there is a lot out there that I missed but even I have to squeeze in a day job during the holidays.
Happy Christmas, I hope your holidays are filled with wonder as we prepare for the 2020 horror movie line up.